How Tinder Works According to My Mom

Mom: Have you seen Steve McQueen* on Tinder?

Me: He lives in Las Vegas.

Mom: So?

McQueen’s mom: It works by distance.

Me: Yes.

McQueen’s mom: So, if a guy were out on the sidewalk right there in U Village, he’d pop up first. You’d see all the guys right here, looking for someone.

Me: No.

Mom: Well, that’s kind of creepy.

McQueen’s mom: Or maybe it’s by distance more generally? Like all the guys in the area, but they show them in order of who’s closest? So the ones on the sidewalk right here first, then the ones over by Tommy Bahama, then Restoration Hardware.

Mom: Oh, I don’t like that.

Me: Please keep explaining to me how Tinder works.

Dad: Watch out. You’re both going to end up on her blog.

*Not his real name. Unfortunately, my mom is not close personal friends with Steve McQueen’s mom. I’m assuming she’s dead, since he died in 1980.