Some sexy things I’ve said on first dates recently: please form a line, boys

I just don’t understand why anyone would intentionally get into techno music.

I think I’ve thrown up on every small plane I’ve ever been on.

I thought you lived in Ballard. . .Why don’t you live in Ballard?

What’s the difference between a coder, a programmer, and a software engineer?

Are you trying to tell me your family isn’t full of Bible-thumpers even though they live in the Bible thumping belt?

I’m a classic youngest child. I get all of the attention and none of the respect.

Tap class is my favorite hour of the week. It’s right over Molly Moon’s and then I eat ice cream for dinner on Sunday nights.

Have you ever shown up at a bar and not been able to recognize the person? I once stared at a man’s back for about 5 minutes, trying to decide if I should go up and tap him on the shoulder. Then a full plate of food arrived for him and I thought it’d be pretty weird if he’d ordered dinner—without me—five minutes before I got there—when we were meeting for drinks.

Have you read the okcupid blog? It’s the best thing on the Internet. No, I’m not on okcupid.

Do you miss Florida?

Where did you say you’re from?

You haven’t been to Dick’s yet and you moved to Seattle 5 days ago?

Who’s your favorite philosopher? I like Helene Cixous.

When I was in middle school, I went to Italy with my family and all I ate was gelato. And every time I ordered chocolate. Every time, I spilled on my shirt. My main memory from that trip is of washing out my shirts in tiny European hotel sinks.

Do you get a lot of dirty jokes about that picture of you holding zucchinis?

So you do experimental theater in your down time. How interesting.

Why do you have a cat?

I’m more of a skee ball girl.

I’ve been thinking about wine and cake all day.

I don’t have hobbies… I like TV.

What do you put in your garage?

I’m on Tinder for the blogging material. And because I got bored of Solitaire. And to find love. But mostly for the blogging material. But also the love thing.

Dear Parks and Recreation

I just watched the Parks and Recreation finale, and it was both heartwarming and heartwrenching. This show has so much damn heart in it, and it is smart and kind in equal measure.

You have made Leslie Knope, April Ludgate, and Donna Meagle—strong, smart, realistic women who work and love and fail and succeed—into heroes for women aged 9 months to 90. (I have no idea who actually watches this show.)

You have spread the gospel of Ron Swanson so successfully that he is the most oft-quoted person on men’s Tinder profiles. He would be horrified.

It is a truth universally acknowledged (to borrow a phrase from Jane Austen) that it is harder to write a meaningful happy ending than a touching sad one.

And it is hilariously easy, if one goes by how often it happens, to completely destroy the finale to a good tv series.

So congratulations, cast of Parks and Rec. I’m going to miss each and every one of these characters. Congratulations, writers. I’ve never seen better.

With the exception of Dawson’s Creek.

Dear Pacey Witter One of the Greatest Characters in Television History Ever. Period,

In honor of comic-con, I would like to offer up this gem of a video and recommend that you all watch it because it is funny and I like it.

Also yes, I have a crush on Joshua Jackson and yes, it runs through all the Mighty Ducks movies and Dawson’s Creek and I would add Fringe except I can’t watch that show because it’s too scary for me and when I had a roommate we would watch it together but now I live alone and so I’m sorry, Mr. Jackson.

And god, I would so attend Pacey-Con.



PS— I know this letter is lame but really, you probably don’t want me to go on and on about Pacey, and I’m at a writing thing and therefore somewhat busy drinking coffee and touching books instead of the internet.