“Isn’t that a hook-up app?”

“All people who are online dating are just trying to hump.”

“I hope it never comes to that for me.”

“Have you tried showing more boob?”

“Good for you!”

“Why not OkCupid?”

“I didn’t take you for that kind of girl.”

“I guess I’m just old-fashioned.”

“Have you read Aziz Ansari’s new book?”

“Are you lonely?”

“Me too.”

“I thought that was for hook-ups.”

“You just trying to get some D or what?”

“Have you tried JDate?”

“Why not meet people in real life?”

“It’s so great you’re getting out there.”

“What is that?”

“All my friends are on it. I wish it’d been around when I was single.”

“You mean Grindr for straight people.”

“Did you read that article in The New York Times?”

“Have you tried Plenty of Fish?”

“Can married people do it?”

“Is that that swiping thing?”

“But you’re so pretty.”

“Are the men awful?”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve seen you on it.”

“Have you tried Match?”

“I’m so pissed I’m in a relationship.”

“Can I see it?”

“Can I swipe for you?”

“Have you tried Siren?”

“Dudes are the worst.”

“It’s like a pocketful of men waiting to make out with you.”

“So…you’re just trying to hook up.”

“Everyone on that is just trying to hook up.”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get killed?”

“All the women on that are spambots.”

“Have you tried Coffee Meets Bagel?”

“I can’t be on that thing. I looked at this girl’s and I was like, that’s my competition?! I’m basically competing with f***ing Matt Damon. F*** that. I’m out.”