Tag Archives: the daily show

Hi

20 Jan

Hi,

Yes. Hello. I’m here. 

I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t been posting in support of the movement against this SOPA/PIPA* business.

HAHAHA just kidding. I have no idea how to do something as fancy as mock-black-out my blog/website/thingamajig.

I mean, I’m not kidding, I do not support SOPA/PIPA, etc, etc. A bunch of people who actually understand the Internet are in charge of the protest, and thanks, guys. I’m glad you’re stepping up. Because Congress is not. (As evidence of my internet ineptness— I wanted to embed that video for you, but I can’t, and I don’t know why not, but my “fix-it” skills are limited to trying over and over again to paste the URL into the box that says URL, and I can only do that about 13 times before I get bored and start watching the clip instead of trying to post it here.)

Really, I haven’t been posting because I’ve been lazy busy. I came back from vacation, and had a bunch of television work to catch up on, and then I had to pretend I was planning plan this class I’m teaching, and eat out make dinner, and see some friends go to some meetings, etc.

So you understand what I’m saying, basically, and I’ll be back next week, I swear. I don’t like making promises to the Internets that I don’t keep, because the Internets are an angry, angry place. Just read the comments section to any weather forecast.

So in honor of bringing down SOPA, and as an apology for my absence, I bring you some potentially felonious material. FELONIOUS IN ITS AWESOMENESS.

 

YEAH FRIDAY. Helloooooo weekend. Let’s eat pastries!

xxo M

 

*If you don’t know the deal with the SOPA/PIPA, the Wikipedia pages on it are up— even when the rest of Wikipedia is blacked out. If it still is. Clearly I’m following this development very closely. 

 

Things I Like on the Internet

27 Feb

I Like a lot of Things on the Internet this week. And I kept track of all of them. For you. You’re welcome.

I like this because the word “Muppets” is followed by the word “Explicit”— and for several other reasons too: Kanye West “Monster” Muppet Remix (Explicit Version). [YouTube]

Ohhh, that Honey Badger is Naaaaaaaasty. Learn things and laugh at the same time. Probably don’t watch it if you have a fear of eating snakes. Or if you hate funny things. [YouTube]

This 5 year old is my kind of feminist (I like all kinds, actually). Start ‘em young, start ‘em young! She just needs the vocabulary now. [YouTube by way of Ryan Seacrest. I know, I know, it's FB's fault!]

Have you guys seen this thing where Zach Galifianakis interviews somebody and makes you want to die in the process? I have a high tolerance for awkward and I wanted to die. It’s called “Between Two Ferns” and I recommend the one with Charlize Theron (and Zach Galifianakis, obvi). And now I know how to spell his name. [funny or die]

Jon Stewart’s Mother F**kers. Hey guys, maybe if Planned Parenthood is SO profitable, we should look at how they do things and apply those principles to our health care system as a whole. That would include lowering prices for patients and opening health centers in low-income areas and providing timely, efficient care for everyone who needs it, regardless of insurance. Whoa, wait, what?!? [Comedy Central]

Somebody (Rep. Weiner) is getting angry and it is SO GOOD to see! If you want less government…then keep your laws off my body. Oh hey, remember that slogan? [YouTube]

Hey guys, in the midst of bad news, good news! President Obama finally mans up and takes a GIANT leap forward toward legalizing gay marriage. Like a scoop of mint sorbet after a dinner of liver. So refreshing. [New York Times]

And now, moving on from politics! The man who inspired Moby Dick was one unlucky sonofabitch. Read this if you, like Jack Donaghy, have unresolved dreams of being an underwater explorer.

A music video! That my sister’s friend made! Congratulations, Pat Parra! [Love Bryan]

This clip of Portlandia is basically my life. Or at least, the lives of people near me. [IFC]

Unfortunately, so is this thing of The Disney Princesses as Hipsters. [NY Mag]

Chris Rock is smart smart smart and I’d like to think his theory on the Tea Partiers is correct. Please come to a stand-up venue near me, Chris Rock!

Ke$ha loves James Van Der Beek. As she should. You guys, this music video of “Blow” proves that Ke$ha has a sense of humor. Or, you know, just that she loves “Blow.” Also, unicorns. If you aren’t convinced yet, she calls me James Van Der Douche and he calls her Ke-dollarsign-ha. Also, James Van Der Woodsen (There’s an idea. Has he guest-starred on Gossip Girl yet?) is looking kind of hot. WHAT?!? It’s not his fault Dawson was a whiny emo sad face. I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU MORE, PACEY.

And that concludes this week’s episode of Things I Like on the Internet.

Dear The Onion (and the world)

3 Feb

Dear The Onion (and the world),

You know how sometimes you’re reading an article that somebody emailed to you or posted to Facebook and you’re all, THIS CAN’T BE TRUE. And you keep reading, fascinated, and it starts to sound more and more plausible?

So you drink a little more coffee and you google some things, and you look for the author, but it’s unclear, so you look for the source, and eventually you yell at your cats about how the internet is ruining the world of credible research, and then you find the original article on The Onion.

At first you might be confused– “Why is The Onion reporting on real news now? Is the Onion New Network an actual news network?” you might ask yourself. Hypothetically.

“Maybe it’s kind of like The Daily Show,” you think, “where they make jokes, but things are generally true.”

That seems possible. Besides, those were real people given as quote sources in the article, and it was actually really well-written—

[Which takes on importance considering that article on CNN the other day that said, "we must dial back the fury of the political rhetoric," a phrase which made your heart go cold and your blood pressure rise. "DIAL BACK THE FURY?" you screamed. "WHAT IS THIS, MIXED-DICTION NIGHT AT FAULKNER'S FAVORITE SPORTS BAR? I'll show you fury. Now just try to dial it back."]

Then you finish your cup of coffee and remember you’re reading The Onion and you probably shouldn’t quote it as a news source. Facebook is a better choice.

But later that day, you read this article about a woman being convicted for “grand theft” for sneaking her children into a better school district (which a friend has helpfully tagged on Facebook as “this is REAL this is NOT an Onion article”). You read it, and you wonder at the world.

After reading that, you watch this Onion report that a young white girl has been given the “harshest possible sentencing from the judge— she will be tried as a black adult” and it takes even longer to convince you that it is not factual BECAUSE THE REAL NEWS IS JUST AS WEIRD AND DISCOMBOBULATING.

And while The Onion report may not be factual, it has the ring of truth to it, something about it resonates in your allergy-swollen sinuses and ears, and you start to wonder, What is truth, anyway? Who gets to decide? What makes facts more true than truths?

Then you realize you sound like James Frey, of A Million Little Pieces fame, or at the very least a really terribly annoying writer in the midst of an existential crisis and you shut your mouth and watch some reality tv to help reorient you to the concerns of your culture. Fake it ’til you make it, baby!

Bless,

MM

P.S. But, you know, maybe the world news could stop being so easy to make fun of. It hardly seems fair that these guys are getting paid to parody this stuff anymore.

Dear Steve Martin

20 Nov

Dear Steve Martin,

First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that I grew up on Roxanne. Whenever I went to the video store with my friend Jane and her little brother (every Friday night from the ages of 10 to 14), we always got one of four movies. I seem to remember this being a requirement of theirs, that we pick our something we had already seen. The four that made the final, rotating cut were: Hook. Cool Runnings. The First Wives Club. And Roxanne. So you seen that it is an elite list that you made, and you very clearly have a special place in my heart, even if I didn’t know that wasn’t your real nose for a very long time.

I think it was this early faithfulness that led me to not only read, but watch Shopgirl. Though I did avoid the remake of the Pink Panther: to be fair, I was watching Inspector Clouseau before I ever met Cyrano.

At any rate, I just read Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life and it’s so nice to meet you! I loved even your failed jokes. And I was reading the Large Print Edition, because I got it from the library, because there weren’t as many people in the line for that one, and, well, I just think you would have approved. Particularly when I asked the librarian, and she said, “Well, I like reading Large Print. I read a lot faster that way.”

I wish I could have seen you perform live, in a small dive, with all the magic tricks and props and punchlines leading nowhere. But I did just see you on The Daily Show. So I guess I can’t ask for much more than that.

Where do your jokes go when you throw them away?

Please send them to me. And if you’d like to watch Roxanne…I’m free tomorrow night.

Your fan,

MM

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