Tag Archives: children

Dear Easter

12 Apr

Dear Easter,

So there were a lot of children in church this morning. And at some point, they asked all the children to come to the back of the church. They gave them all paper flowers, and then for a little while they were all held in a group back there before walking up the main aisle and placing the flowers on a cross.

All the little girls were standing there, wearing pink, and yellow, and blue dresses, with absurdly big bows in their hair and little velcroed dress-up shoes.

And they all stand there clutching their flowers, and holding hands, and twirling their hair, and giving each other hugs.

And the little boys are wearing little button up shirts and polos and slacks. Except one little boy was wearing track pants, and most of the shirts were very recently untucked.

And–and!–they were using their flowers as swords.

Their little Easter, fragile, paper, Jesus flowers.

Then all the children walk up the aisle, and then all of a sudden there are children everywhere. They’re wandering around, looking for their parents– and then they see them!– and they start climbing over pews and knees and stranger’s laps to get there. Because, I mean, if they went around, they might lose sight of them again. Better to go as the crow flies.

Obviously.

Happy Easter egg hunting in the rain! Oh, the memories…my sister crying because other kids were faster and more aggressive, me crying because I was too overwhelmed looking at all the kids running and couldn’t remember to look for eggs and therefore didn’t get any…my parents holding our own private hunt at home to stop the tears…

We were more, ahem, “readers” in our family. Really, really good at reading.

Love,

MM

Dear Sick Children

26 Mar

Dear Sick Children,

I feel for you, I really do. And in fact, yesterday you did a moderate to excellent job of covering your mouths when you coughed and wiping your noses on disposable paper (toilet, paper towels) and throwing it away afterward.

However. Being sick, and children, your cuddle instincts increased, sort of like how in the summer gnats swarm right at face level. And because it’s winter, and I’m sick, it’s sort of like how when it’s so hot in the summer you sweat and the gnats seem to stick to your face.

Every time you coughed or sneezed, I could feel it sticking to my face. Unnecessary, dear children. I know you feel bad, I do. I feel bad when I’m sick. I have the sinking feeling I’m about to have a lot of empathy for your plight.

Although my enthusiasm for summer remains undiminished.

Cheers,

MM

Dear Britney Spears

6 Mar

Dear Britney Spears,

Things you (almost) never hear people say:

1. Ugh, I can’t believe I was such a good mother to my children and raised them so well.

2. What was I doing, being sober and wearing shoes in gas station bathrooms all those years?!?

3. I’m really glad I married that asshat Kevin Federline.

Glad to see you’re (maybe?) on the road to recovery. Or at least that whoever you are letting run your life now is doing a better job.

I wouldn’t, if I were you– and I say this in the nicest way possible– marry anybody else. For a while. Just take a break.

Best wishes,

MM

Dear Children

20 Nov

Dear Children,

Child Two cried because she didn’t want to learn her poesie.  The picture had ducks; the poem was in French; I don’t speak French.  Child One yelled about how easy it is to learn poesies.  Child Three cried for Mama, then Papa, then Dora.  I was somewhere down, well, ok, not on the list.

One wouldn’t eat his broccoli, Two wouldn’t eat her chicken.  Three wouldn’t touch the couscous.  Two threw her shoe at the wall, One yelled at Two, Three was very snuggly.  One wouldn’t go upstairs, Two wouldn’t sit on the stairs, Three fell down the stairs.  I counted One, Two, Three, I counted Four, Five, and Six, I counted One Minute, Two Minutes, Three Minutes, I read One Story, Two Story, Three Story, Four, I ignored Five Pinches and Six Yells and Seven I-Want-Mores.

Then we tucked in Eight Bunnies, Nine Dora Little Stars, Ten Toes, at Eleven Past Bedtime.

I only said, “I’m not going to say it again” three times, and “I’m not negotiating” twice!  I only ignored two tantrums and one refusal to go past the fifth stair.  I only mispronounced five french words, let one entire backpack (two homework assignments, thirty spelling words) go out the door with Mama, gave up on giving 3 baths, and burned one lasagna.

We’ll go another round another day.

Good night,

MM

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