Tag Archives: barack obama

Dear Federal Scientists of Oil Notoriety

5 Aug

Dear Federal Scientists of Oil Notoriety,

Look, it’s nice to know that there’s still some cock-eyed optimism in the world.  But generally I prefer my cock-eyed optimism to come from children and kicksy old folks, not federal scientists in charge of evaluating the damage the worst oil spill in history has done to the environment.

It’s great that “the ‘vast majority’ of the 205.8 million gallons released into the Gulf has either evaporated ‘or been burned, skimmed and recovered from the well head, or dispersed’” (Seattle Times).  Congratulations.  (Idiots.)

So you say 25% evaporated or dissolved.  24% was dispersed into droplets. 26% is on or below the surface in a sheen, tar balls, or has washed up onto shore, or is buried in sand or sediment, or is otherwise just hanging out with its pants undone.

Maybe I’m confused about basic science here, but…when things evaporate, don’t they just change form but you know, not actually disappear?  Couldn’t it potentially be harmful to have millions of gallons of oil in the air?  And the 24% in droplets… does oil change into water just because it’s in a raindrop shape?  And yes, ok, the oil all originally came from the earth, and so if it’s in sand or sediment, it’s returned to the earth (yes, in a biblical sense)—- but don’t birds and turtles and fish lay eggs in sand?  Sit on it?  Sunbathe with tanning oil….oh wait, that’s humans.  I guess that’s the plus side.  No need to bring your own tanning oil/instant cancer maximizer with you to the Gulf Coast anymore.  Just show up and roll around in the sand!

I get that I’m not an expert.  But by my count that’s 75% of the oil that’s almost (but not quite) as loose as Rollergirl.  So while your numbers might be right (doubtful), who taught you how to draw conclusions?  How did you get from the above to the  environmental damage is not as bad as predicted and to the leaking oil well poses little threat to the Gulf of Mexico?

SERIOUSLY, GUYS.  I’d like to know.  Because you’re making Inception look as straightforward as 2+2=4.

STOP THE MADNESS.  SAVE THE BABY (fill in the blank)S.

for the dodos’ sake,

MM

Dear Healthcare Reform

1 Oct

Dear Healthcare Reform,

You, my friend, are like a kidney stone.

We will all feel better once you have passed out of our blocked system and can roam freely in the world.

Hurry it up,

MM

PS– For a more factual letter– I mean, the kidney stone thing is pretty accurate, but it’s still not a fact, we all know I don’t look things up– please read on below to guest letter from SM. Views presented below reflect those of the guest author. Views presented above by regular author are not meant to offend kidney stones.

Dear People Who Know/Care About or Are Aware of Healthcare Reform (from guest author SM)

1 Oct

Dear People Who Know/Care About or Are Aware of Healthcare Reform:

So I’m a medical student in Seattle, which means two things: 1) I don’t sleep that much and 2) my medical school classmates (who I love!) have opinions. About everything. Including healthcare reform. They know every last detail of HR 3200 (that’s the bill before the house right now, don’t worry, I had to look it up too) and can cite lists of the pros and cons of the whole thing and frankly they’re an intimidatingly smart group of people. I do not know these things. But I know the system’s broken in an intangible but certain way.

So when my other non-med school (and also incredibly smart) friends ask for my opinion, I hem and haw like only Karl Rove could have taught me (he didn’t, but he could have, that’s all I’m saying) and I say in a professorial voice “Well, I know the system is not sustainable as it stands.” Which usually suffices. It’s like JP Morgan saying “The market? It will fluctuate.”

BUT – here’s the thing. It’s true. When we graduate, we will have on average $150,000 worth of debt. At 6% interest (I’m not going to calculate it out) compounded annually (you should know what that means, its important) that’s a lot of money for a late 20-something to contemplate paying off.  So its no wonder that no one wants to specialize in primary care*. Put yourself in our shoes: if you had to pay off that much money, would you pick a job that paid you $200,000/yr or that MAYBE paid you less than half of that?

There are primary care doctors out there who have taken out mortgages on their house to keep their clinic open. The fact of the matter is that its just not financially feasible to run a clinic for which you have to pay a staff, pay for HEALTH INSURANCE for that staff, order equipment, buy office supplies, get reimbursed by insurance and Medicaid/Medicare AND make enough money to 1) feed/cloth you and yours AND 2) pay off that aforementioned $150K of debt. Also basically you make less than minimum wage when you account for 60+ hour work-weeks.

So why don’t insurance or the state reimburse doctors properly? It’s like this. Remember back in high school, and you wanted money from your parents? You did your math like this: if I need 30 bucks for dinner, movie, and popcorn for Friday night, I’m going to ask Mom and Dad for $40. Your parents turned it around on you and said “$40? Yeah right. Money doesn’t grow on trees.” And gave you $20. Now try squeeze gas, car insurance, soda, Grapevines, AND dinner, movie, and popcorn out of that $20. Not fair? Fact. And that’s what the state and insurance companies to do doctors offices – under-reimburse because they know doctors are going to overcharge, and guess who the costs get passed onto? That’s right, you. Or your parents, if you’re still on their healthcare. Which is pretty cool.

There’s a bunch of other problems with healthcare in America. Like how over 50% of the population is obese. (No, I didn’t make that statistic up. By the way, did you know that 30% of statistics are made up on the spot? Yes, I did just make THAT one up.) And how obesity, diabetes, and hypertension are like the un-Holy trinity of compounding medical problems? (Also they probably eat at Applebee’s a lot.) I digress. There’s a lot that’s wrong, not all of the fixes are fantastic, but it’s a hell of a lot better than the 44,000 Americans who die every year because they don’t have health insurance.

Finally, if you want one more kicker if you’re still on the fence about this whole reform thing, America’s doctors are behind this change. And we will be taking a pay cut because of it. What more evidence do you need that this is the right thing to do?

Sincerely, transiently,

SM, ¼ MD.

(insert cool latin phrase for contributing letter-writer.)

*Primary care you might wonder? This is basically the nuts and bolts of medicine. Runny nose? Primary care. Preggers? Primary care. (Also: are you crazy to have a baby in this economy?) You get the point.

Dear Massage Therapy

17 Mar

Dear Massage Therapy,

Ahhhhh. Every insurance provider should insure this is provided.

Imagine how much less road rage there would be. See the blood pressure and hypertension drop. Watch the divorce rate plummet. Good-bye ulcers and migraines and emotional breakdowns…

See us all walking around like we live in a 1970′s nudist colony. (What, don’t you picture them smiling?)

I think Pres. Barack Obama would totally get behind this for the national health care plan. Because it’s coming soon, right? Right?

Jill Biden would be all over a spa day. Hell, Joe Biden would snuggle between those massage table sheets and heated blankets like a cat settling into the place you planned to sit. All smug and endearing at the same time. Until he hacks up a hairball.

And with that…

Best,

MM

Dear Pantsuits and Politics

2 Dec

Dear Pantsuits and Politics,

First off, congratulations to our new secretary of state. (Hi, Hillary!) Secondly, this letter is about women (and men) in politics, it’s about the things they wear and the things they (and we) say. I should be honest and admit I’ve essentially stopped watching political coverage since the election is over—hey, all the sexy stuff is done. I mean, I mean, hard work! Onward! As G told me, when I asked what he’ll obsess over now, “there’s the transition and the first 100 days and then it’s practically midterms…” Wonderful. We’re in a perma-election cycle.

But aside from that, let’s take a look back at some of my favorite observations (that’s what you do at the holidays, right? Reflect? Me too).

Reflection OnePointOh—I went to a canvassing rally at some point and spent most of my time observing the candidates’ attire. They were all saying the same thing, so I checked out what they were wearing. Keep in mind I’m in Washington state, with an all female lineup currently at the helm. Patty Murray is our resident Senator in Sneakers, or Senator-Mom in Tennis Shoes, or some other catchy clothing-related slogan. She was decked out in a sweater, khaki pants, and…sneakers. Maria Cantwell, younger, taller (by about a foot), was wearing a pantsuit. And Chris Gregoire was in black slacks and an orange jacket. She really loves that orange jacket. You know the one I’m talking about? And then there was Jay Inslee. Broad-shouldered, respectably gray. Aging despicably well.

And then there were the state house candidates.

Now, there is a difference between state and federal politicians. Some of the state politicians looked okay. Their clothes fit, for the most part, they chose dark colors, they were wearing pretty non-descript stuff…but the federal politicians—their clothes fit no matter what they chose to wear. And the price jump in haircuts was visible (shout-out to John Edwards).

Reflection TwoPointOh…—Maria Cantwell looks like Maggie Gyllenhall and even has some of her same mannerisms. It’s disconcerting. Especially until I realized who she was invoking.

Reflection TwoPointOh!—Patty Murray, Maria Cantwell, and Jay Inslee all looked professional. They all looked well dressed and coiffed. But it was easier to look at Jay Inslee, to listen to his voice, and think, now that’s a politician. That’s how ingrained my image is of an aging yet still strong (and oh-so-male) Representative is. Somewhere in my zeitgeist, probably in the same place that thinks I would like to ride horses (damn those 1950’s novels), I still think my Representative, my elected voice, is somebody’s grandfather. Not mine, obviously. But that kid down the block, who everyone was jealous of, because their grandfather was young-ish and played tackle football and told really cool war stories and let the kids taste his beer. Oh, and is a powerful man in Washington, DC during the week.

Really? That’s who I want speaking for me? What? Where does this come from? Oh yeah. The zeitgeist.

Reflection Three—I have the feeling my counting system is not super consistent. Also, I’m going to ignore any references I could make to Sarah Palin’s wardrobe budget here. (People! We judge our female politicians by how they look! No wonder! Plus she was shopping with Cindy McCain = Beer Money! No wonder!) All right, moving on.

Let’s just have a quick chat about Matt Taibbi in Rolling Stone. Who said that Hillary had flabby arms and then was surprised or annoyed or something that made him feel the need to bring it up again in another article and add in the fact that Erika Jong had said something about him and his mother and Freud on the Interwebs. Let’s recap:

Matt Taibbi: yada yada Hillary has flabby arms yada yada yada.

Erika Jong: Matt Taibbi wants to have sex with his mother.

Matt Taibbi: yada thing other thing “ancient plastic surgery survivor/sex-novelist Erika Jong” got mad and said this thing when I said Hillary has flabby arms other thing yada

I’m paraphrasing. Except for the part in quotes. Which I have to respond to really quickly with the words of Steve Martin. Actually, this is kind of my response to all of it: Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me?

Why were you commenting on Hillary’s arms? Why describe them as flabby? First of all, in her orange pantsuit, you cannot even see her arms. Secondly, if you (Matt Taibbi) are going to try to tell me that it’s the same thing as saying (President-Elect) Obama has big ears, back up and hold it right there. It is not the same thing. I’m not going to explain all the reasons why. This is not, actually, Sexism or Feminism or even Political Correctness 101. Saying Hillary’s arms are flabby is a blatant example of the kind of misogynistic pinching that went on under the table throughout this entire election.

So, G tells me, yeah, but Matt Taibbi knows he’s being sexist—he just does it anyway. Okay… but does he know why it’s a problem?

Erika Jong is known in other places (like The New York Times, most literary circles, and English departments across the country) as a groundbreaking novelist, poet, and essayist. Does he know why calling her an ancient plastic surgery survivor/sex novelist is a problem?

Here’s a list of real questions:
From Geraldine Ferraro to Hillary Clinton to Sarah Palin….what’s it mean? I like to partner this question with the following: What has John McCain done to women in politics in this country? What about women in general, with the way his VP pick validated and normalized all the misogyny people had, apparently, just been waiting to pick up and throw? (It’s sort of like with Hillary they were disguising the pitches as sliders. Sarah Palin just made it okay to go ahead and aim for the batter.)

How far do inflammatory comments on the part of either side get you? And how much do they just make you seem like an asshat?

And how well does it serve you to join in the media pigpile by having more of a developed style than a cohesive worldview? (See Scarlett Johansson in Dear Woody Allen Movies. Unless you have her lips, I don’t recommend it as a long-term strategy.)

Also: how did feminism get assigned the same ending as racism and sexism?

Pantsuits. Carry on.

MM

PS– I really can’t tell you if this is fan mail, a thinking of you, or a disciplinary memo. Maybe it’s a customer complaint. Stop trying to categorize everything. Just let the zeitgeist sing.

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