When I posted a set of terrible Tinder profiles last week, someone told me, “Those can’t all be real.”

Oh sweet baby boy, what a beautiful place of innocence you live in. Take me with you.

Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be charming?
I eat gummy bears two at a time so they don’t have to die alone
One time I got so drunk, I ate a tube of toothpaste because I thought it was astronaut food
I always smell good and have perfect teeth
Any man who takes selfies is no man
I only drink dark liquor. Clear liquor is for rich women on
Love all animals. Hate most people.
If you’re not going to talk or are boring as f*** with your replies, then please swipe left.

Because your picture says “If you want a nice guy, stop treating the nice guys like shit”
All money ain’t good money but no money ain’t good . If you want to know anything about me… ask. So… I’ve come to realize that a lot of women on here don’t really talk once there is a match. Why is that?

Well, that can’t be true. We’re never going to meet.
I’m the nicest asshole you’ll meet.

Your copy doesn’t match your brand promise.
I am a fun person. Like me and I will show you.

I’m already having the time of my life.
Here is my Tinder Top 5 on why you should swipe right:
5. I have a good job.
4. I have my own car and house. When we go on a date you won’t lose circulation crammed in a car to go! No roommates. I own my condo.
3. I am active. Hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, salsa dancing. You name it, I do it.
2. I am well educated. Contrary to popular belief some men do actually know how to have an intelligent conversation.
1. I know wine.

My lil’ ol’ heart? You wouldn’t dare.
I’m usually pretty lucky and people seem to like me. I’m super awesome but I’ll probably break your heart. Good beer and good food are a couple of my favorite things. I love an adventure and so should you. Hedonist at heart and a free spirit that won’t be tied down.

0.15/10
From seattle, just looking for a good time n laughs nothing to serious, also if u cant tell im the shit.

Who is the target audience for this?
6ft Tall, Fit n’ Fun, and looking for my soul date!
If you’re a bitch, I’m gonna call you out!
If you’re a nerd, I’m gonna pick your brainz!
If you’re a cutie, you’re gonna be mine!

Reverse these and we’ll talk.
Six figure bank account. Ten inch dick.

Where?
Sea tac for Mariners games. Meet me there

Let me note that this was a very pale boy.
Struck out on blackpeoplemeet.com
Soccer player
Outdoorsy
Girls with curves

I think this started as a joke before it disintegrated in drunken over-honesty?
Tall, reasonably handsome male seeks exceptional female for procreational purposes. Height is the ultimate differentiator for candidates of a lesser stature will be considered if they display ample spirit and determination. Physical attractiveness is a female’s most efficient way to signal her mate-worthiness to males, i didn’t make these rules, i wish i didn’t like hot girls, they are often obnoxious, thats just the way it is

I know several people missing a couple of knuckles and they’re all fine. Video games might be hard though.
I recently lost a very close friend.. he got his finger caught in a wedding ring. Made me think about where I am and what I want out of life. I’m looking for someone to drink with, play video games with, go snowboarding, go to crescent bar resort with pretty much. Freckles, white teeth and snowboarders are a huge plus. I have a golden retriever so hopefully you love dogs. I bet I can make you laugh even when you’re mad. I promise I’m not a murderer but I’m pretty sure I could beat up a shark

If this has ever worked for anyone, please come tell me about it.
I’m just a regular guy wondering where are the beautiful nice women at. I like to have fun laugh eat watch movies just have a good time. It would be nice to dad’s hare that good time with a beautiful woman. And we can see what happens from there. Don’t pass on me I’m a great catch ladies

That’s funny. I get along best with men who don’t assume women are stupid.
A man who can rebuild a carburetor, field strip a rifle, name the last few Tony award winners, make his own aftershave and build you a nice cedar chest. I get along best with smart women. Just looking for my Tami 2.

And people think women are picky.
Tinder grindin! I’d like to meet a cool gal that’s a little bit country, a little bit rock n roll, a little bit high maintenance, a little bit gangsta, a little big comedian, a lot of nerd, a soft voice, nice butt, down to be girly but still do badass stuff involving the outdoors every now and then. Not into egotistical gals/people. Or vegetarians.

Donald Downer
Medical field.
Yes that is my view.
Lucky in life, unlucky in love.
Definition of insane? Continuing to use this app…

I don’t usually say this, but: be the change you want to see in the world. 
Tinder (tin-DUR), noun: An app in which a single individual judge’s another solely based on their appearance in order to hopefully engage in sexual intercourse with someone who also finds them visually stimulating, yet typically results in a one (1) day long flirtatious conversation via text.

The (unintentionally?) hilarious
Not here expecting a hook up. Having said that, if it’s on the docket at some point, it will probably not be turned down. My friends are mostly married so I’ve become pretty close with my dog.