My sister has started planning her Halloween costume. Actually, the first email she sent me about this was way back in July. She took a break for a month or two and now she’s back at it. I’m pretty sure she thinks about it year-round but suppresses it so we don’t think she’s crazy.

This tricks me, every year, into believing that I, too (me too me too cried the younger siblings everywhere) want to think about Halloween costumes.

I don’t. I don’t want to think about Halloween costumes, now or ever. I’ve been known to reuse Halloween costumes in order to avoid thinking about it. Or go as a construction worker, which involved putting on an orange hat. Or my sister and I have both gone as a gypsy (which is not a PC costume, no longer approved), which involved putting on all the necklaces in the house (recycle that costume now as: Johnny Depp). As a child, I once went as a “Tutu” which is Hawaiian for grandmother– I wore a muumuu, one of my Tutu’s old hats, and a lot of leis.

I’m on the right.

I sort of ruined the effect by also carrying a bottle for most of the night.

That’s the costume I’m thinking about recycling this year (sans bottle). Muumuus are really comfortable, you guys.

You guys have heard about Heidi Klum and Seal’s Halloween party, right?!? Who do you think got it in the divorce? I bet that was the asset that required the most arbitration. Some of the costumes at that thing are amazing. That’s what I want– enough money that I can just pay someone to be creative about my costume for me, and then pay someone to make it. Of course, considering that’s what everyone at that party did– ummm not to be rude, but some people did not deserve their invitation. No “participation awards” at a pro event like this. Obviously Heidi & Seal are DQ’ed from the judging. Given that, I think Fergie takes gold, the Estradas silver, and the Blonds take bronze. Runner-up to Kyle MacLachlan.

But Heidi and Seal from the year before blow everyone (including their future selves) out of the water. You really can do a lot with a couple-costume. My sister’s extra giddy about Halloween this year because she and her boyfriend are doing something together.

Obviously I can’t reveal it here, you might copy her, and then she’d have to kill me and she’d for sure refuse to help me with my costume. Whereas right now she’s just unlikely to want to maybe choose it for me and definitely make it. (C’mon, pleeeeeeeeease?)

If you had unlimited funds, what would you be?

I think I’d go as Curiosity. Or Michael Phelps. Or Romney’s dog, strapped to the roof of a car.

The balloons were a nice touch, right?