Dear Clapping in Movie Theaters,
NO. STOP IT.
Unless someone involved in the making of the film is present (and the guy who served you popcorn does not count, I do not care how much that “made” your movie-watching experience (and yes, popcorn does a movie-watching experience make, I’m with you, let’s be friends)), NO CLAPPING.
Thanks, I appreciate your cooperation,
MM
Dear Me,
(This salutation reads 2 ways: as a letter to myself, and as an exclamation of surprise and disappointment, i.e. dear me! You’ll see why.)
This morning, I thought to myself, I haven’t left the house yet today (10:46 am). Then I thought, this isn’t unusual.
Then I thought, and this is where it gets weird, It’s ok. I have windows.
Right. So it’s time for me to either get a cat or go outside more often.
…I don’t really like cats.
MM
Dear Publishers Weekly,
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ON YOUR TOP TEN BEST BOOKS OF 2009 LIST, THERE IS NOT A SINGLE WOMAN AUTHOR.
THAT IS NOT OBJECTIVE. SAYING THAT YOU IGNORED GENDER WHEN YOU CHOSE THE LIST DOES NOT JUSTIFY YOUR END RESULT. AND SAYING THAT YOU ARE DISTURBED BY THE RESULT DOES NOT SAVE YOU OR EXCUSE YOU FROM BEING RAMPANTLY SEXIST.
As Kamy Wicoff, founder of She Writes, wrote in an email to members (through The Rumpus: Women’s News by Elissa Bassist):
“According to the novelist and journalist Louisa Ermelino, the editors at PW bent over backwards to be objective as they chose the Best Books of the year. ‘We ignored gender and genre and who had the buzz. We gave fair chance to the ‘big’ books of the year, but made them stand on their own two feet. It disturbed us when we were done that our list was all male.’ It ‘disturbed’ you? In what way exactly? Like, did it make you think, ‘we are insane?’ Try to imagine if they had come out with a list of the Best Books of 2009 and it had included ZERO MEN. Try to imagine if Amazon had released its Best Books of 2009 and it had included only TWO men. I know it’s hard. But just try.”
I’m sorry, I know all caps lock is yell-y, and nobody likes to be yelled at, and DEAL WITH IT.
WOMEN BUY 65% OF THE BOOKS SOLD IN THE U.S. You really think they’re buying only books written by men? You really think none of the books they’re buying or that women are writing could be top ten of 2009? You really think the problem is with what’s being WRITTEN or READ?
No. I didn’t think so.
LEARN SOMETHING. RETRACT YOUR LIST. CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS. CONSIDER THE POWER YOU HAVE AND RE-EVALUTE YOUR DAMN CRITERIA FOR “BEST” SO IT DOESN’T INCLUDE MALE AS AN UNSTATED REQUIREMENT.
That’d be great. Thanks!
MM
Dear Men,
Stop asking things of me. Just because you let me know that I have dropped my beach towel gives you no right to my name. I said thank you.
If I do not answer you once, do not ask me twice. If I refuse your offer of a drink once, do not ask me twice. If I refuse you once, do not ask me twice.
Do not get angry. Recognize that it is my right to withhold personal information such as my name, where I live, where I am from, and it is my decision whether or not I want to spend time with you. Recognize that there is no answer to the question, “Where’d you get those pretty ______ ?” Unless you are talking about my shoes.
The next person who makes me repeat a refusal or who asks an aggressive question twice is going to get cold-clocked with a long lecture on sexism and misogyny.
MM
PS– And yes, thinking you have a right to answers, a right to lean in close, a right to invade my time and space at all, is a result of sexism. It’s representative of the misogyny pervading the United States today. It’s a belief that because I am a woman and I am walking/standing/waiting/grocery shopping alone I must want you to harass me. I don’t.
If you cannot understand how asking me my name twice in increasingly louder tones as I walk away feels aggressive to me, pay a stranger who is bigger and stronger than you to invade your personal space either verbally or physically and imagine a lifetime of rape/assault statistics.
PPS– Do not twist my words and claim that I said men can never approach women. Just don’t do it. Seriously. You have a chance today not to be purposefully moronic. Take it.
PPPS– Look, I am sure you, individually, are very nice. But aggression and assault on women in the United States is a very real thing. This is a nice user-friendly article on it by Bob Herbert in the New York Times. A woman is sexually assaulted in the United States every couple of minutes.
So if you are very nice, as I’m sure you are, take a minute to think about how you can contribute to the solution instead of the problem. My Favorite? If you’re walking behind a woman on a dark street, cross to the other side so she does not have to. It’s a small gesture, and one not made often enough. I have been yelled at after crossing to the other side, along the lines of “What, you don’t trust me?!?” SERIOUSLY, GUYS, SHAPE UP. It’s not about you; it’s about my safety; it’s about the fact that ONE in THREE women will be sexually abused in their lifetime.
PPPPS– Did you know that empowering women is one of the fastest ways to lift a developing nation out of poverty? True story. How wonderful is that?!?
Dear Pink Boat Shoes,
Oh, my lovely things. You would be so much more lovely if you didn’t give me blisters. That make me feel like my toes are ON FIRE.
I like fires. I like bonfires. I like sitting close to them on a cold night at the beach– I don’t even mind how one side gets terribly, uncomfortably hot as the other slowly chills from the wind off the ocean, or the smoke flying into my eyes with little smoky daggers, or the smell of seaweed drifting up from low tide, or the sand drifting determinedly into my pockets and my hair. It’s all part of the magic that a bonfire creates. (Hear that all you people that have said we could bonfire tomorrow? Don’t flake out! I will be sad! I think bonfires are magic! Bonfires with guitars and marshmallows are major magic!)
But on my toes? No, fires on my toes from blisters from my pink boat shoes will not do. Hear that, pink boat shoes? Shape up!
If I can wear you and ignore/embrace the hipster implications of such a thing, I expect you to do me a favor and caress not distress my feet.
Love,
MM
