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Hi

20 Jan

Hi,

Yes. Hello. I’m here. 

I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t been posting in support of the movement against this SOPA/PIPA* business.

HAHAHA just kidding. I have no idea how to do something as fancy as mock-black-out my blog/website/thingamajig.

I mean, I’m not kidding, I do not support SOPA/PIPA, etc, etc. A bunch of people who actually understand the Internet are in charge of the protest, and thanks, guys. I’m glad you’re stepping up. Because Congress is not. (As evidence of my internet ineptness— I wanted to embed that video for you, but I can’t, and I don’t know why not, but my “fix-it” skills are limited to trying over and over again to paste the URL into the box that says URL, and I can only do that about 13 times before I get bored and start watching the clip instead of trying to post it here.)

Really, I haven’t been posting because I’ve been lazy busy. I came back from vacation, and had a bunch of television work to catch up on, and then I had to pretend I was planning plan this class I’m teaching, and eat out make dinner, and see some friends go to some meetings, etc.

So you understand what I’m saying, basically, and I’ll be back next week, I swear. I don’t like making promises to the Internets that I don’t keep, because the Internets are an angry, angry place. Just read the comments section to any weather forecast.

So in honor of bringing down SOPA, and as an apology for my absence, I bring you some potentially felonious material. FELONIOUS IN ITS AWESOMENESS.

 

YEAH FRIDAY. Helloooooo weekend. Let’s eat pastries!

xxo M

 

*If you don’t know the deal with the SOPA/PIPA, the Wikipedia pages on it are up— even when the rest of Wikipedia is blacked out. If it still is. Clearly I’m following this development very closely. 

 

Dear American Spirit

21 Jul

Dear American Spirit,

I think I’m missing some sort of essential American spirit of adventure.

If I’d lived during pioneering days, I would have stayed in Boston.

I mean, I think we can all agree that the people on the Oregon trail should have taken more axles and more food with them, perhaps built a little trailer-addendum that could travel behind the wagons, and they definitely should not try to ford the river right there.

But seriously, I see people doing boot camp workouts in the park and I’m horrified and want to turn around from my nice, low-key walk and go curl up in a chair and read a book about people reading books, because I’m filled with the fear that if I’m anywhere near such activity, someone will try to make me participate.

It’s not that I’m scared of dirt. Or that I frequently injure myself (I used to get SICK, a lot, ok, you guys reading this who knew me during college, but not hurt). (And I am scared of varmint, including squirrels, raccoons, opossums, and troublesome children (which is one of the definitions of varmint, look it up)).

It’s that I see a mountain, and I don’t think, “Because it’s there.” I think, “Wow, that looks tall! What’s that poem about looking at mountains? What’s for lunch? I want some potato chips. Do you think Pacey and Joey will finally make out tonight?”

Apparently the last time I saw a mountain up close was in 2001.

Yep. Definitely would have stayed in Boston. Would have manifested my destiny right there in my living room.

Tea, anyone?

MM

hey guys

24 Nov

this is an experiment.  look, we’re doing some construction over here, ok?  quit looking at our underthings.  you all are a bunch of voyeurs.  creeps.  go home.  get off the internet.  spend the holiday with your family.  your real family, not your internet family.

Dear Leftovers (Revisited)

14 Nov

Dear Leftovers (Revisited),

You may remember when I said you sucked and I hated you and I wanted you to die a horrible death.

Yeah.

So it turns out that when I have to feed myself all the time, I hate you a little less.  All the time!  Seven days a week!  SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.  I don’t even get ONE OFF.  WHYYYYYYYYYY.

Ok, yeah, I could eat out, and sometimes (often) (a lot) (regularly) (can we just move on?) I do, but that still requires making choices.

Making choices sucks.

When I was a kid, I was the queen of making choices.  If you’d been like, “Red shoes or blue shoes?” I would have been like, “Red shoes.” BAM. Decision MADE.

Now it is harder.  Possibly because shoes come in a lot more colors than they did when I was a kid. I am not that old.  Maybe it has to do with computers.  Computers have changed a lot since I was a kid.  People don’t even bother to turn them off nowadays.  Are you kidding me?  In grade school, you totally had to leave five minutes at the end of computer class to turn your computer off.  Probably so they didn’t explode or eat our brains during recess.

Where was I? Oh yes: leftovers.  So it turns out, actually, that I eat leftovers quite often, and am really pleased-as-punch to be doing it.  I didn’t cook today and yet I’m still eating.

It’s kind of a little miracle, come to think of it.

So, leftovers, I apologize for my earlier harsh words, and it’s cool if you stick around, and actually, if you could learn to replenish yourselves at night while I sleep, but with some variety thrown in and maybe find a way to be fresh and not require heating up because my microwave went to see the big guy in the sky (dumpster) (actually, I hope there isn’t a big guy in the dumpster)….

…I think I just want a personal chef.

MM

Dear Soup

8 Nov

Dear Soup,

You’re really just a way to get bread to my mouth.  Without feeling quite as guilty about it.

Not because I count carbs.  But because if I could, I would only eat bread.  Or bread-based products.  Carbs aka all my favorite foods:

  • waffles
  • pancakes
  • bread
  • sourdough bread
  • toaster waffles
  • biscuits
  • buns
  • croissants
  • chocolate croissants
  • bagels
  • rolls
  • butter rolls
  • cinnamon rolls

Also, I’m pretty sure that sometimes I eat soup because I want something warm (aka hot chocolate) but feel like I need something more substantial / adult than hot chocolate.

And I am always, always disappointed.  Always.  Soup = not hot chocolate.

Sigh.  It’s disappointing, but a fact nonetheless, and one I try to make myself face daily.

But thanks for trying anyway, soup.  I’m sorry I can’t accept you on your own terms.  We’re cool, right?

MM

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