Aack! I’m sorry I wasn’t here last week. I have some date reviews for you. I want to talk about periods. I want to talk about how I’m always the party pooper and therefore the least likely Tinder dater you’ll ever meet if you have weird, outdated notions about “what kind of people” date online, are fun to date, or exist in the world and not in a Michael Bay movie. I want to talk about what happened to Date #8, Reggie, because months later, I finally know.

But in the meantime…I haven’t been writing here because I’ve been writing other places!

This Is What I Learned from Going to Seven Weddings Alone
(Spoiler alert: It didn’t suck and I didn’t Die)

In some parallel universe, we all take perfect plus ones to every wedding. You may not be dating him, but your date for the night is definitely good-looking, funny, kind, generous, sweet to old ladies, a great dancer, and fun to flirt with for an evening. (Why aren’t you dating him and can I have his number?)

Tinder Isn’t Swiping Out Romance: Reports of the Dating Apocalypse May Be Greatly Exaggerated
I wrote a rebuttal to the Vanity Fair article about how Tinder is ruining humanity! Millennials are the worst! Sex is destroying civilization! It’s over on Salon. I don’t want to give anything away, but basically: no. My thanks to the sociologist I interviewed, who called the original article a “faulty burrito.”

Sorry, Mom: Weddings aren’t great places to meet someone
Have you ever met someone at a wedding? “You mean, for more than one night?” a 30-year-old man asks me in response, eyeing his girlfriend at his side.

15 Reasons He Isn’t Texting You Back
Your foolproof guide to why he just really, really can’t text you back right now. It’s not that he’s ghosting. It’s that he’s a literal ghost and keeps dropping the phone through his wispy ghost hands.


P.S. If you want to help make my dreams come true because I’ve been entertaining you here for free for six years (eeep), or even just because I seem like I might compliment your shoes if I ever run into you, you could like, tweet, share or Jumbotron this blog or those articles with people that you like or even the ones you just tolerate?