Archive | August, 2009

Dear Hibiscuses

9 Aug

Dear Hibiscuses,

I’ve always loved a good hibiscus. I mean, why not?

Beautiful, aren't they?

Beautiful, aren't they?

They’re bright, bold, beautiful, and delicate, and they’ve got such wonderful green foliage to boot.

There’s also a drink called Hibiscus, or occasionally Hibisci (pronounced hi-bis-kai) for those of us who have fun with plurals and believe strongly in the change of octopus to octopi. I have never heard it/a pitcher of them called Hibiscuses. No.

Recipe for Hibisci

some cranberry juice

some champagne

So simple you probably don’t even have to write it down. Special thanks to E, who doesn’t read this blog, for the idea/recipe/concept/beautiful revolution to brunch/savior to women with UTIs. I mean, if cranberry juice helps, the champagne can’t hurt, right?!

Mostly I just wanted to put up the picture. For the color. You’re welcome.

Love,

MM

Dear Design of Dear Mr. Postman

7 Aug

Dear Design of Dear Mr. Postman,

I was feeling the need of some color. I’ve been reading some beautiful things on the interwebs (internally beautiful and externally so) and they were making me feel that Mr. Postman here was a little lacking in hue. (Though not in Hume. He can stay off as far as I’m concerned.) (I reserve the right to change my mind.) (Who knows what I’ll want to write about next week?)

So I got busy with my google search and found a webpage on how to use Photoshop– which I have on my old computer and not my new one, for the very simple reason that I don’t know how to switch it over–the bigger question might be why I have it all, since I haven’t the foggiest idea how to use it and it makes me stressed every time I open it– and with this webpage open on my new computer, and Photoshop open on my old one (I wanted to read and use at the same time!) I got busy with my “header image.”

That’s right; I said it.

The point is, now there is yellow at the top of the page (I am not going to tell you how long it took). (I could have made like dozens of batches of cookies instead.) Though I suppose if I decide I don’t like it (the yellow) in the next 24 to 72 hours, most if not all of you will never even see it. And then this whole letter will go to naught. Be for naught?

I don’t know.

And what I also don’t know is how to use Photoshop or design websites (or let’s be honest, even use idiot-proof blog templates because I am a luddite).

Or really, how to buy my space from WordPress were it ever to become popular enough to justify such a move. And certainly I would not know what to do were I to have an upgrade like that– doesn’t that mean more options??? Gah.

But I could put in a whole background color! And that might be nice. Simple is good, but color is good too.

And I also will post pictures? Maybe? That would add a little somethin’somethin’.

Anyway, I gave up and added a new page, About MM (me) because that I do know how to do and though no one has asked, I am sure you are all wondering what I think about life and myself (since I never share those thoughts anywhere else…)

I am going to end this parentheses-heavy letter now and maybe make some cookies. If anyone wants to offer me help with my design woes (opinions or actual “how-to” hands-on guidance), please please please offer! I would not deny you such a pleasure.

And I will give you cookies.

And if you hate the yellow, just say so. Nicely. (I thought about doing animal print instead? But photoshop doesn’t have “zebra” or “tiger” or “cheetah” or even “giraffe” in its color wheel/square/thing/jiggamabob. I know, right?)

Love,

MM

PS– Now it’s vintage pink instead of yellow! Yes! …No?

Dear 3OH!3 “Don’t Trust Me”

5 Aug

Dear 3OH!3 “Don’t Trust Me”,

I’d like to chat about some of your lyrics. These ones, in particular:

“Shush girl / Shut your lips / Do the Helen Keller / And talk with your hips”

Catchy, I know, congratulations, you rhymed and everything. But let’s go back to basics:

FIRST, this is inaccurate. Helen Keller talked with her HANDS not her HIPS and she does not deserve to be denigrated this way.

SECOND, this is OBSCENELY OFFENSIVE to women. “Shut your lips”? In the words of Steve Martin, Excuuuuuuuuuuse me? I mean, come on. To anyone who thinks the feminist movement is no longer necessary, that we live in some sort of post-sexism world, that Hillary Clinton’s race for president was not affected by her gender, that just because we’ve acknowledged that Barbie’s body is physiologically impossible in real life we’ve moved beyond “women’s issues,” take a gander at lyrics that tell women to SHUT UP and MOVE THEIR HIPS and then Get Back To Me Later.

Now, if Shakira wants to share with us all the very interesting and artistic fact that her hips don’t lie, that’s a different matter. If she wants to use anthropormorphism in her song lyrics, that’s her business. Also, she’s saying nothing about her ability to speak/not speak/desire to speak in general, and she’s personally proclaiming something about herself to the world. As an individual, she has the right to claim who she is, as loudly or quietly as she wants, and with as few or as many body parts as she wants. Plus, hips should be celebrated, and they are sexy, and if there is ever an appropriate place to speak with them (lie or small talk or otherwise), it is the dance floor.

In fact, as far as I’m concerned, women can use their lips, their hips, and whatever else they want to make themselves heard.

But man, oh man, it is past time for men to be telling women to shut up. Or “shush / shut your lips” or whatever chauvinistic, godawful phrasing you are trying to pass off as SEXY?!?!?

WHAT THE HELL. NOT SEXY. NOT INTERESTING. STOP.

And if you’re not trying to be sexy, and you’re just oh-so-sincere in your desire for some peace and quiet so you can watch the game, I hope your TV lands on your left pinky toe. (I like to be specific in my wishes.)

And I am not even giving you a cheers.

MM

PS– Friend S says, “Oh, my hips have been giving me such trouble!”

Quick draw Kate responds, “Why? Have they been lying to you?”

Dear Tall Women

3 Aug

Dear Tall Women,

I feel a little bit like Mika right now, but here it goes:

Damn, Tall Women, you are FINE.

Just look at those legs, and those beautiful long backs, and that imposing entrance into a room. Look at how amazingly tall you are when you put on heels and what big, bold prints you can carry off and that huge jewelry you get to wear!

I am exactly average height of an American woman and it’s fine and all but kind of boring and I don’t care if you are sometimes taller than men! Put on those heels and go out and own it.

I mean, even when you wear flats you look dressed. It’s like your height is an accessory. If I don’t put on heels I look like I’m going to the grocery store.

And you get Cool Nicknames like Legs McGee.

Anyway, shout-out and I love you and have a good day.

Cheers,

MM

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