Dear Mr. Postman

Dear Valentine’s Day,

I don’t have super-strong feelings about you. Honestly, my most passionate outbursts come because of my sister’s proclivity towards crafts– and therefore handmade valentines– forcing me to either participate, or look lazy in comparison by appearing with bought valentines at the family celebration. (Usually dinner. On or around Valentine’s Day. Sometimes our mom gives us socks.)

Let’s sidetrack and talk about crafts for a moment. Now, CRAFTS STRESS ME OUT. This is in capital letters to underline the absolute truth of the statement. I am not naturally inclined toward crafts, nor have I developed any skill at them. I am also a perfectionist. It’s a poor combination. So crafts– which we did a fair amount of, growing up, with two girls in the house and one of them being all about the craft project– are a natural enemy of the MM, found in many households across the world and likely to be sighted near holidays. Like…Valentine’s Day.

I would like to say, I did make valentines this year. The whole shebang. I used multiple pieces of patterned paper, and an elephant stamp, and a gold paint pen that has the smoothest flow across card stock you will find anywhere, and I flocked. (Save it, the joke’s been made.) I can’t actually remember what all I did because I seem to have blocked most of it from my memory and I’m scared to look at the ones I made in case I now hate them. And I only got one migraine and picked one fight!

My sister K likes to explain to me that she’s not actually good at crafts (bullshit) but she just likes them and therefore persists. And to some extent that’s true. I’ve seen her redo a hem or– this is still magic to me– pull a glued piece of paper off of another one without ripping anything and start over. But she’s still good at them. And the results are still better than mine. Cuter, neater, fancier, more all-around enchanting.

I will never be Martha Stewart.

I’ve accepted this. I still don’t hate Valentine’s Day. Or particularly love it. (See how I brought that around? Did you see that?)

A. To start with, you’re a holiday based primarily around chocolate. I won’t provide any supporting arguments. That stands alone.

B. There’s just no point in hating you! Okay, yes, I get it, you make people who are alone feel more alone and people who are not alone feel inadequate in their love for each other. Or in their ability to get dinner reservations. Same thing on February 14th. Which is stupid. I know someone who is drinking beer with a friend tonight. My sister, who has a boyfriend, is throwing a party for all her friends because she can’t stand the pressure of being in a restaurant with a bunch of people who are making out. Plus she thinks it’s gross. I am working, and will be celebrating Valentine’s Day later. As in, having dinner on some night of the year. Whee. (Just kidding, G, I am so excited.) My dad, as always, forgot to get dinner reservations, as did the people I nanny for. Both will be eating early in neighborhood haunts (thus allowing me to work early and then attend my sister’s party– thank you stereotypes of Men Who Forget Valentine’s Day). And they are real adults! Who could actually afford a nice dinner! Unlike all of us 20somethings!

In the words of Tim Gunn (this does not actually apply to crafts, no matter what he thinks, crafts are the devil’s spawn): MAKE IT WORK.

Love, hugs, kisses, and an elephant stamp,

MM