9 February 2010 by margaret michelle
Dear 7-Eleven,
My sister has lived near you for a couple of years now, and frequently extolled the glory of your proximity. I was all, yeah ok great totally! 7-eleven! abso-wonder-lutely.
Now I live half a block from one of your glorious locations and oh! 7-eleven! YOU HAVE EVERYTHING. My neighbors call you “the pantry” and for good reason.
Cold drinks. Beer. Wine. Cereal. Juice. Brown Sugar. Condoms. Firewood. Magazines. Marshmallows. Chips. Salsas. Crackers. Cheese. Milk. Eggs. Doughnuts. Donettes. Coffee. Cream. Batteries. Tape. Paper. Notebooks. Granola bars. Gummy bears. Gummy worms. Bananas. Chocolate milk (oooh). Hot dogs. Cream cheese. Scissors. Peanuts. Flashlights. Sunflower seeds. Candy bars. Pretzels. Little clippy thingies. Ice cream. Ice cream sandwiches (helloooo).
You see my point. You must concede my point: you are fantastic. You even have a redbox DVD rental for $1 a day now. HEY-O.
I do have one question though– can you explain why, every time I walk in your doors, I must look at everything? Even when I know very specifically what I want and I’m late?
I am never going to buy one of those hot dogs. Why must I walk by and look at them?
That’d be great. Thanks. Otherwise, keep up the good work.
Blessings,
MM
PS– Maybe you could start stocking rice? I mean, only if you want to. It’s cool if you’re too busy being awesome.
PPS– I know I didn’t list Slurpees. It’s because I don’t like them. Leave the pitchforks at home, please.
Tags: 7-11, 7-eleven, dvds, food, grocery shopping
Posted in Fan Mail | Leave a Comment »
4 February 2010 by margaret michelle
Dear Bad Haircut,
I WANT MY HAIR BACK.
And my money too.
MM
Tags: bad haircut, curly hair, haircut, short hair
Posted in Customer Complaints | 1 Comment »
2 February 2010 by margaret michelle
Dear Lemons,
This is just a note to say I love you. Also the things that are made out of you (possibly by me): lemon bars and limoncello and limon gelato and lemonade. Liz Lemon. Other good lemon things? I could use some recipes…
Why hello there...
Love,
MM
PS–Picture credit to Skhor and lemon credit to Skhor’s aunt’s lemon grove (also God/Nature depending on your belief system and how well my day is going).
Posted in Fan Mail | 4 Comments »
27 January 2010 by margaret michelle
Dear Night Classes,
You SUCK. 7:00-9:40 pm? What IS that?
You do understand that my brain stops working at 8:00, right? Sometimes 9:00 if I’m lucky?
Beyond which, what in the world am I supposed to do with my days??? I can’t work all day, then I have a 16-hour work day. I can’t sleep all day. I’m not a VAMPIRE for crying out loud.
I’m on the two ends of my university’s short stick: I tutor for the freshmen composition classes, which start at 8:00 am, and I’m a graduate student in the arts = night classes in rooms without windows.
What happened to good old-fashioned 10:00 to 1:00? 1:00 to 4:00? Hmmm? No? No dice?
Well, you can go lick a frog.
Thumbs WAY DOWN.
MM
Tags: graduate school, night classes, poetry, school
Posted in Customer Complaints | 2 Comments »
25 January 2010 by margaret michelle
Dear James Franco,
I saw you on 30 Rock the other day. It made me happy.
Also I like that you are (were? still are?) guest-starring on a soap opera. I mean, really, why the eff not? You are famous and critically acclaimed and come on people, soap acting has to be really, really fun. Go make some of those faces in the mirror at yourself. Practice the my-dead-sister-just-showed-up-at-my-wedding-to-reveal-she’s-actually-my-mother-and-I’m-about-to-marry-my-father. It’s fun, I promise.
Anyway. Franco. I think we could have something. You were in Freaks and Geeks, I am a geek. You played a gay man in Milk, I watched Milk and thought you were hot–even hotter than normal, and that’s got to be hard for you, right? You have a sense of humor, I have a sense of humor. You see where I’m going with this? CALL ME.
Love,
MM
PS– Love your work in Pineapple Express. Those striped pants…well, ok, maybe those weren’t so great, but still. Appropriate for the character, and I am all about dressing for the occasion.
Tags: 30 rock, freaks and geeks, harvey milk, humor, james franco, pineapple express, soap operas
Posted in Fan Mail | 5 Comments »
